


Our Fragile Smiles are Falling

by Catclaw



Series: Dirty Little Secret [1]
Category: HIM (Band), Viva La Bam RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-26
Updated: 2006-07-26
Packaged: 2018-09-13 05:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9108463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catclaw/pseuds/Catclaw
Summary: Based on the 'secrets' in the All American Reject's video for Dirty Little Secrets.This secret: I want to go blind so I don't have to see them together.Can be (and in fact should be) read as a stand alone.





	

“I want to go blind so I don’t have to see them together!” Ville screamed, the alcohol in his bloodstream causing his words to slur. His wild eyes finally settled themselves upon the blonde man kneeling in front of him. “Every time I see her on his lap, smiling and laughing and kissing it makes me want to be sick and I get a cold stabbing pain here,” he lay his hand over his heart, tears starting to form in his expressive green eyes as his grief stripped him of his usual poetic manner of speech. 

Hating to see his friend looking so heartbroken, Linde pulled Ville into his arms, gently rocking back and forth as he rubbed slow, soothing circles into his back. Ville sighed unhappily into the crook of Linde’s neck, he’d known, just *known*, the moment he’d realised that he was in love with Bam that it was something that was going to hurt him deeply. It hadn’t been until Bam had announced his engagement to Missy that Ville had known just how true his songs were. That love could truly hurt that much. Oh, he’d been heartbroken before, when Jonna left him. But this, this was so very different.

The pain was unimaginable, so all consuming that there were times that he didn’t think that he’d ever be able to survive it. When all he wanted to do was curl into a tight ball and never have to face the world again. And then there were days that he just prayed that he never woke up again. It was melodramatic and Ville knew that, but it didn’t change the way that he felt, if he could change it, he would, anything was better than feeling like this.

He knew that Bam could tell that something was wrong with him, he’d seen the look that Bam had flashed him as he’d abruptly left the room. Had he stayed it would have been worse, Ville knew it would have been worse, he’d been steadily drinking himself into oblivion and had he been that close to *them* much longer he would have done something that he would have regretted later. More bitter tears slid from his eyes, painting tracks of pain down his face.

He squeezed Linde tighter, for a brief second, before letting go and standing up, nodding his goodnight to the other man and walking away, swaying drunkenly. He had to leave, he’d give his apologies and lies to Bam in the morning, but this was the only thing that he could think to do that gave him a chance to keep Bam as his friend.

It hurt to want everything and know that he couldn‘t have any of it, and just as another love song claimed, the pain was indeed making him crazy and he was only a mere shadow of the man that he used to be. But there it was, his dirty little secret. He wanted to go blind so that he’d never have to see them together.


End file.
